that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I am morally bankrupt
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I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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