so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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