arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
