He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
