Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
