i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
