There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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