She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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