also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
