Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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