How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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