I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
