drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
this hospital has no fireball
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
