So drunk its hurt
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
