burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
