Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
