you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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