I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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