She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
