You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
