Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The air taste purple.
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