Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
