Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
