hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
