So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
