I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You can't special order awesome
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize