Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
