If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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