i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
