I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
did you just send me my own nude
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
