No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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