About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize