just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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