I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
