how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
