watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
