I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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