bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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