Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
