1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
