I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize