she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
