walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
