You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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