good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
