i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
