her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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