sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
