those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the condom got lost in my hair
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
