you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
