I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
