Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
pop tarts are not kleenex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
