I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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