Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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