I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
