The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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