ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
