i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
