Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
