I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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