You made me cry and you don't even care
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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