No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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