i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
