Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
