She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He passed out mid-signature
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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