We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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