just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
