Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
