he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
