There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
